“Former Umpire Time Killers”

10. Use ball-strike indicator to keep track of how many Twinkees you can stuff in your mouth at one time
    
9. Eatin', eatin', eatin'
   
8. Picking the lint out of your ball bag
   
7. Use the skills acquired as an umpire to, well, to, ah....
   
6. Listen to Spanish Berlitz tapes and learn to translate what Robbie Alomar was yelling
   
5. Take an art academy sculpture class so you can really capture the essence of Richie Phillips in his voodoo doll
   
4. Stay in the Old Country Buffet until they say, “You're out!”
   
3. Sit on the couch and drink more of your special Gatorade
   
2. Keep checking Jobs.com for another six-figure, three-hours-a-day, six-months-a-year job
   
1. Expand your vocabulary­learn the dictionary definition of the word “resignation”