“Signs You Won't Be Pitching A Perfect Game”

10. You're rattled by the constant winking of Ernie Tyler
    
9. After each at-bat, your catcher wanders into the stands selling game-used souvenir baseballs
   
8. The only thing you finish are fifths of Jack Daniel's
   
7. The opposition hasn't signed the unwritten agreement
   
6. To you, crucial scoring decisions involve a “Yes” or “No” answer
   
5. You're depressed that your teammates aren't talking to you in the dugout
   
4. Scott Boras keeps having you paged over the P.A.
   
3. Distracted by your between innings QVC appearances
   
2. The ump is squeezing the zone. Plus, he's not giving you any close pitches.
   
1. “Now playing second base: Chuck Knoblauch.”