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Top Ten

“Signs You're Targeted For Contraction”


  1. Vendor now hands out a copy of his resume with every beer sold
  2. The team's scouting department focuses exclusively on finding retirement villas for the owner
  3. New Era catalog places your cap between the Washington Senators and St. Louis Browns
  4. Clubhouse sign reads: “Must return protective cups after each use.”
  5. The front office is staffed by former employees of Selig Motors, Inc.
  6. Ain't nobody slapping you on the butt saying, “Wait'll next year!”
  7. Promotional giveaway items now include used staplers, paper clips and office furniture
  8. More and more space in the home locker room taken up by rodeo clown costumes
  9. Inventory at the team store down to a couple of pennants and some boxer shorts
  10. Road trip plane tickets are one way


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