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“Signs Your Payroll Is Small”
- Players begging to be traded to Milwaukee
- Clubhouse attendant keeps saying, “Get it yourself”
- Mascot forced to implement a strict “No loans to players” policy
- Infielders constantly checking dirt for change dropped by the groundscrew
- You go to Hooter's after the game and Jay Gibbons waits on your table
- Players would steal and sell teammates' gear, but there's no market for it
- Starting pitcher is sluggish in day games after driving a cab all night
- After a player goes into the stands to make a catch, fans instinctively check their wallets
- Players' parking lot cost five bucks and features a new bike rack
- For team flights, rookies forced to arrive early to secure Southwest boarding cards
