“Signs Your Teammate Is On Steroids”

10. There's a tibia bone in the corner of the shower
    
9. Demands separate per diem for each bicep
   
8. Hits a home run over the right field fence at Yankee Stadium—and he was playing at Shea
   
7. Really excited about the prospect of an expansion team in Monterey
   
6. Uses an overweight groupie as a medicine ball
   
5. Orders Buffalo wings at Hooter's in “doses”
   
4. Threatens to start new union: Players On Steroids
   
3. Every time he signs an autograph he mutters, “Now, where's my prescription?”
   
2. Signs Nike endorsement deal for their new line of thirteen-toe spikes
   
1. He goes on the D.L. to have breast reduction surgery