“Signs Your Mascot Has Lied On His Resumé”

10. As it turns out, Harvard doesn't offer a Master's Degree in Mascotting
9. He's wanted in Tacoma for a string of outstanding scooter violations
8. Upon reflection, you don't believe the Internet was developed by a 6-foot-6 green fuzzy creature
7. Says he performed with Max Patkin this May
6. It seems highly unlikely that Marcel Marceau taught seminars on shining the head of a bald guy
5. Points the hot dog cannon the wrong direction and impales himself with a weiner
4. Screams “Sexual harassment!” the first time somebody yanks his tail feature
3. Navy SEALS don't actually dress like seals
2. Refuses to dance with The Shaky Lemonade Guy on religious principle
1. Keeps rolling up his fuzzy sleeve so you can see his pack of smokes and prison tattoo