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Signs You're Not Going To Get That Big Contract
- The only scouts who show up for your workouts are from your son's troop
- Scott Boras puts together a 25-page presentation on why you suck
- Arbitration eligible? Hell, you're not even parole eligible!
- Your persistent calls to the team are finally returned by a season ticket sales rep
- The best offer you've received is for the minimum—not the major league minimum—the real minimum
- Taco Bell says they're not offering multi-year deals
- Agent fulfills your desire to play closer to home by offering to let you borrow his Play Station
- While other players are packing for spring training, you're packing for Big Rig Driving School
- Team are calling press conferences to assure fans that they haven't signed you
- You're considering a lucrative deal...over the next year you will receive 14 CDs for the price of one
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