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Top Ten

“Signs You're Not Going To Get That Big Contract”


  1. The only scouts who show up for your workouts are from your son's troop
  2. Scott Boras puts together a 25-page presentation on why you suck
  3. Arbitration eligible? Hell, you're not even parole eligible!
  4. Your persistent calls to the team are finally returned by a season ticket sales rep
  5. The best offer you've received is for the minimum—not the major league minimum—the real minimum
  6. Taco Bell says they're not offering multi-year deals
  7. Agent fulfills your desire “to play closer to home” by offering to let you borrow his Play Station
  8. While other players are packing for spring training, you're packing for Big Rig Driving School
  9. Team are calling press conferences to assure fans that they haven't signed you
  10. You're considering a lucrative deal...over the next year you will receive 14 CDs for the price of one


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