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“Signs You’re Not Going To The Hall Of Fame”
- You’re a member of the 5/5 Club—five restraining orders in five years
- Numbers compare favorably with Mario Mendoza’s
- Your web site doesn’t even have 3,000 hits
- Not only are you unsure what hat you’ll wear on your plaque, none of your former teams allowed you to keep a hat
- No way your parole officer allows you to go to Cooperstown in August
- In a moment of frustration, you “donated” all of your old jock straps to the Hall
- “No one ever played more games drunk” didn’t earn you the votes you hoped it would
- Counted on good performance in next Olympics to earn votes
- Cooperstown wants your glove—so you can’t keep playing
- Your steroid-inflated head too big to fit on plaque
