“Changes Due to Steriod Investigation”

10. Majors leaguers not on steroids look like Strom Thurmond
9. You charge the mound and get pummeled from players on both teams
8. It’s really embarrassing to mistake Mark McGwire for Carrot Top
7. You’re given control of the clubhouse stereo... during games
6. There’s no prying in baseball
5. Not even Sam Perlozzo will say hello
4. Hit a homer and the best you can get is a low five from Ernie Tyler
3. Everyone else gets Ethyl Chloride spray. You get maced
2. Bud Selig sweats a lot when under stress
1. “David Wells? Definitely not on steroids”