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“Reasons Mike Piazza Doesn't Want to Stay with the Mets”
- He drops his mask to catch a foul ball, and the damn thing gets stolen
- Mr. Met keeps shortsheeting his bed
- Stand in the ocean in LA and Florida and see your feet; in New York you see corpes
- His apartment is below the rehearsal studio for Stomp
- He's being stalked by Todd Hundley
- On the score board in LA it says, “Go get 'em Mike”; In New York: “If you want to see your cat again.”
- He's over-squeegeed
- The park is full of New Yorkers
- Groupies in LA are former child stars and models; in New York they're former men
- It's not the booing, it's the snipers
