“Ways Baseball Will Be Different In The Next Millennium”

10. Players not thrown out of games­they're vaporized
    
9. Advanced cloning techniques allow the O's to have an entire pitching staff of Mike Mussinas
   
8. Bird mascot can fly when pushed off bleachers
   
7. Albert Belle tries to run down Halloweeners with a plutonium-powered hovercraft
   
6. Between inning laser vision surgery for umpires
   
5. Ernie Tyler replaced by Rosie from the Jetsons
   
4. Virtual reality allows fans to actually feel like they've been spit on by Robbie Alomar
   
3. With ultra-modern holographic techniques, Bud Selig appears lifelike
   
2. Doug Johns figures out a way to smoke Astroturf
   
1. Orioles will be known as an $84-billion bunch of underachievers